ULTIMATE EDIFICATION FANTASY

With a Flag and a Trumpet

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 15:34:02 GMT

O LiveJournal.

I think LiveJournal is fantastic. I put my blog on here in 2005, because it felt more populist and communal than the isolated stream I was posting on the Cheese On Bread website.

But now, I feel compelled, for no particular reason, to change things up a bit, and, very shortly, my personal website (www.danfishback.com) will be, itself, a blog, with website-ish things on the margins. Dibs and I are pretty much done with it. You can see the basic deal, and read current posts, here:

MT.DANFISHBACK.COM

This site will stay as it is, and maybe I'll post every once in a while, and I'll definitely be reading your LJ if we are actually friends and I actually know you.

Meanwhile,
Love
Dan

I Got Away, Yes I Really Got Away

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 19:38:20 GMT

Meanwhile, in no particular order...

1. This PSA was censored from Canadian TV:

2. A gay Iranian man who has lived in Maryland for 17 years is set to be DEPORTED to his country, where he will face harassment (certainly), torture (probably), and murder (likely). He has not been granted asylum.

3. Inspectors find no nuclear weapons programs in Iran, which is NOT good news, according to President Bush, because it means THEY COULD STILL BUILD ONE. If that's not good enough reason to go to war, I don't know what is!

4. I recommend listening to my old professor Al Filreis read this story by Amos Oz.

5. We snagged press passes for the Kiki and Herb show at Carnegie Hall. Justin Bond will make sense of everything bad in the universe, and we will all leave the theater better equipped to fight it.

6. As usual, a few days before my own work premieres, I become convinced that I am a dilettante, an amateur, and a fraud. I will probably unconvince myself of this tomorrow.

Love
Dan

I Don't Do Boyfriends

Wed, 05 Dec 2007 02:49:56 GMT

So, as usual, in the days leading up to a big, stressful event, I concoct some sort of absurd escapist past-time for my free moments. This week, as I prepare for my big reading on Sunday, I'm watching a lot of Queer As Folk. (Over Thanksgiving, my brother gave me five VHS cassettes filled with episodes he taped off TV.)

I'm struck by many things (how dated it feels, how my experience of the characters is totally different at 26 than it was even at 23, etc.), but honestly I want to keep most of that to myself.

What I really want to mention is that, just now, as I turned on the TV for background noise as I fold laundry, with the FULL intention of immediately pressing "play" to start the QAF cassette, I was stunned to see Gale Harold's face. Because it was network television. And he wasn't playing Brian Kinney. He was playing a nazi on Grey's Anatomy.

No comment?
Love
Dan

If Yr So Special, Why Aren't You Dead?

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 22:17:38 GMT

I am moved to break my week of blog-silence.

The world as we know it has changed.

Quothe the press release: "4AD is pleased to announce the forthcoming world-wide release of Mountain Battles, the new album from The Breeders on Tuesday, April 8, 2008."

Praise.
Love,
Dan

You Just Told Me To Make You Dinner!

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 21:51:03 GMT

Perhaps you've heard of my new role model, Connie Corleone.

And As You Go I Will Spread My Wings...

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 16:08:23 GMT

I drove a car last night. That sort of thing doesn't happen often. It's an old car, with no CD player or digital audio input. So, horrified by the prospect of two 20 minute silent drives, I rummaged through my closet for a mix tape. The spine of the one I selected is labeled "Don't Assume Anything" (after a lyric on the second track). I think I made it in late 1999. The transitions between songs were amazing, and I am suddenly reminded that Dave Matthews wrote at least one song that I really, really liked.

1. 2nd Movement of "Datura" - Tori Amos
2. "Go" - Indigo Girls
3. "Break On Through" - The Doors
4. "Long Snake Moan" - PJ Harvey
5. "As Heaven is Wide" - Garbage
6. "Sympathetic Character" - Alanis Morissette
7. "Don't Drink the Water" - Dave Matthews Band
8. "Siren" - Tori Amos
9. "Wicked Little Doll" - David Byrne
10. "The Boy" - Smashing Pumpkins
11. "Why?" - Tracy Chapman
12. "Out of Range" (live) - Ani Difranco
13. "Bunnies" (live) - Pansy Division

I am overwhelmed with the urge to rock.
Love
Dan

Hey Paul, Hey Paul, Hey Paul, Let's Have a Ball

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 17:31:05 GMT

The more I eat leftovers, and hang out with my family, and work on my play, the more preoccupied I become with the fact that I don't own a copy of "Surfer Rosa. I feel a phase coming on...

What Happened to Al Pacino's Face

Fri, 23 Nov 2007 05:02:33 GMT

Thanksgiving was nice! Mom and Mike are asleep. I'm sitting here watching The Godfather with Dad and Bruce (my brother's boyfriend). Maryland is beautiful right now. It's actually Autumn, with leaves and everything. Deep red. Pieces of (practically) everything are crumbling apart and blowing in the air. I did a head-stand (shoulder-stand) in my back yard and it started raining, with water hitting my feet before my face.

I'd like to live in a place like this again, some day.

I wish I had a guitar here. This week, I learned how to play "Gigantic" by the Pixies. I guess most other guitarists learn songs like that when they're 14. I did not! I want to practice.

I tried to do work here today, but decided I'd rather spend time with my family. I'm glad I did. But tomorrow. Work. Oy.

Love
Dan

Moles Follow Cheeks

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 18:12:17 GMT

I think Yoko took this the moment I turned 26:

Right after I danced so hard that I manifested my latent mutant power to vaporize matter:

Toil Toil Toil Till I Get Sick

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 08:29:56 GMT

Also inspiring on this sleepless night: The Breeders totally playing the wrong chords on national television (and not giving a fuck.)

If I Was Jesus, I Would Not Be Showing Up There With Those Dry Babes

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 07:47:21 GMT

Jeez. I can't get to sleep cause I had coffee at 6:00pm. I was planning on writing all sorts of interesting stuff. About how me and Casey saw Ani Difranco at Town Hall on Saturday. About how Dennis Kucinich played shaker during the encore. About how tonight I saw a show called "The Birthright Israel Monologues." About how I've been getting gazillions of emails ever since I posted a casting call on Playbill.com.

But all I want to do is share with you this video clip:

The existence of this clip astonishes me. I heard a bootleg audio version of this when I was 15, on a dub of a dub of a dub of a cassette that a friend of my girlfriend made me, and it confirmed my suspicion that Tori Amos is some kind of Martian. Her deconstruction of these two Led Zeppelin songs defined my expectation for every "cover song" I've since heard. A few days ago, while making that CD for Jeff, I rediscovered the audio. And, on a lark, just now, I searched YouTube for "Tori Amos" and "Whole Lotta Love," only to find that the EXACT SAME PERFORMANCE was actually from a TV SHOW. The editing sucks, and pulls back for all the most shocking performative moments, so you rarely get to see her face making these noises. And there's a typically elliptical story beforehand, which only makes sense to me because I've heard her tell a more coherent version of the same bit. She says the name "Robert" as a punch line, as though everyone already knows she's talking about Robert Plant. She always speaks in this ridiculous short-hand, assuming that you're privy to inside information that she doesn't divulge. That may be the definition of insanity. Regardless. The story wasn't in my bootleg, and it freaks me out. In my imagination, the song always followed some sort of trance or growling spasm.

Anyway, even if the visuals aren't that interesting, close your eyes and listen. (I recommend reviewing the original Led Zep versions of "Whole Lotta Love" and "Thank You" first.)

Love
Dan

ps: Here's the more coherent version of her banter (from 00:49 to 02:00):

I Am Decided I Will Be Better To Fly Tonight

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 15:43:23 GMT

Weekend accomplishments:

1. I finished a new draft of the climax of my play.

2. I re-wrote the 2nd rabbi scene.

3. I decided to re-write the 1st rabbi scene.

4. I almost finished writing copy for my new website.

5. I registered with Backstage.com and Playbill.com.

6. I hunted for actors.

7. I put clips of Please Let Me Love You on YouTube.

8. I decided not to write the press release for The Lisps' new album.

9. I wrote the press release for The Lisps' new album.

10. I picked "Entertain" for that mix cd. (I was like, "Jeff, I made you this CD because you made disparaging comments about riot grrl music while we were on tour," and he was like, "I DID?")

11. Dibs and I planned the launch of the new and improved danfishback.com.

Pretty soon, danfishback.com will replace this LiveJournal as my blog. I love LiveJournal. I think it's a great tool, and a great community builder. I started using it because it's populist and punk, and because some good friends were already here. But, you know, change is good, etc, and I'm excited about the new site. I think it will launch in early December, hopefully before my play reading on the 9th.

Meanwhile, over the weekend, they added a new phone system at work, but also kept the old one, in case we got scared of the new one. So there are two phones next to my keyboard. I'm scared of them both.

Love
Dan

All Hands On The Bad One

Sun, 18 Nov 2007 00:21:50 GMT

I wanted to finish writing all the copy for my new website today, and I have like 40 minutes to do so before carousing for the first time since I got sick last weekend. And yet, I feel compelled to waste my time posting this ridiculous idea.

CARRIE BOXING MATCH: BROWNSTEIN V. BRADSHAW

Okay guys, we're all friends with the media elite. How do we make this happen?!

Love
Dan

So You Want to Be Entertained? Please Look Away.

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 18:02:17 GMT

Apparently, Carrie Brownstein writes blogs for NPR almost as awesomely as she played guitar in Sleater Kinney. (Which is to say: very awesomely.)

I wish I was Carrie Brownstein. Writing a blog in Portland. With a dog, and an iPhone.

I'm making a womyn-only mix cd for Jeff Lewis' birthday, called "Ladies Do It Better." What Sleater Kinney song should go on it?

Sleaterkinneycarriebrownsteinsleaterkinneycarriebrownsteinblogsdogsiphonesportlandrainrainrainglamorousrainandcheapnessinportlandcarriebrownsteinsleaterkinney.

Love
Dan

I Don't Believe I Went Too Far. I Said I Was Willing, Willing, Willing.

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 03:40:59 GMT

I have this recurring fantasy, where I wake up, go to work, do my job very well, come home, make really good art, then go out and have beautiful times with my friends. In this fantasy, each day is around 48 hours long.

My schedule for 2008 has a big gap in it, sometime in the middle somewhere. In this gap, I plan to:

1. Complete my two in-progress solo albums.
2. Record, direct and edit a music video.
3. Learn how to use iMovie. (I guess this should be #2.)
4. Learn how to play my favorite rock songs on electric guitar. (ie: Become a better guitar player.)

Also, in April, I'm probably going to Israel.

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I know.
Love
Dan

If The World Is So Wrong, You Can Break Them All With One Song

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 04:03:47 GMT

WUNH Durham Top 10
November 12,2007

1. electric six - "i shall exterminate everything around me that restricts me from being the master"
2. tokyo police club - "smith"
3. sigur ros - "hvarf/heim"
4. saturday looks good to me - "fill up the room"
5. portugal the man - "church mouth"
6. lightspeed champion - "galaxy of the lost"
7. minipop a new hope
8. cheese on bread - "the search for colonel mustard"
9. grizzly bear - "friend"
10. iron and wine - "the shepherd's dog"

Yay! I love Durham!

Love
Dan

He's a Squirrel, Squirrel, Squirrel. He Lives in the Ga-arbage.

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 21:36:32 GMT

Ohhh! Okay. Obviously. Am I the one with bangs?

Do You Remember Feeling Any Other Way?

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 00:30:23 GMT

In my last post, I describe a sudden jolt of energy and inspiration that made my Sunday morning fabulously productive. Soon after writing it, I was hit by massive head cold, slept for most of the afternoon, and, this morning, stayed home from work. I felt similarly ill on Friday, but got well enough to continue with most of Saturday and Sunday unimpeded.

Of note is this: I do not feel fatigued. I have a head cold. I had a sore throat. My sinuses are filled with mucus, and I blow my nose a lot. (My Neti Pot has helped quite a bit.) But: I do not feel fatigued.

This is possibly the first time in two years that I have experienced cold symptoms without fatigue. The sense of weariness usually lasts for days after the symptoms go away. This has happened as recently as a month ago. It is not happening now.

Since my last bout of fatigue, I have taken daily supplements of Vitamins B12 and A. I've also started eating fish, which is a whole nother story. Anyway, this is all just to say: SCORE.

Love
Dan

I Don't Mind The Sun Sometimes, The Images It Shows.

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 17:35:02 GMT

From 10:00am to 11:00am, I was staring at my ceiling, having a very silent, very still panic attack, feeling completely incapable of accomplishing anything in life, from getting out of bed, to writing a play, to loving a human being, to being a friend, to sustaining the life of my body for a reasonable period of time. Then, at 11:01am, I decided to make root vegetable stew.

And everything changed.

And I felt COMPLETELY ON TOP OF MY GAME. I ran down my loft bed ladder. I walked into the living room where Katherine was waking up. "Katherine," I said, "I feel COMPLETELY ON TOP OF MY GAME."

We went to the grocery store. I put all the empty bottles into recycling bags. I'm cleaning my floors now. With the broom and the special spray-swifter. Then I'm going to do the dishes. Then I'm going to clean the vegetables, cut them, and put them in a pot. I'm going to make lunches for the whole week. I'm going to make some lists. I'm going to finish things.

Last night, this morning, at 4:40am on Hooper and South 2nd, I threw my arms around Ardi's shoulders and said, "One day we will write a book together, and it will be called, 'The Parties We Had & The Parties We Didn't Have.'"

I'm 26 years old, and the enemy is expectation. The ally is impulse. Deb Margolin always taught me that desire was the only guide to make good art. I finally, finally, finally, finally, finally, finally believe her.

Love
Dan

A Lot Like Reading The Ingredients On The Back Of The Box From Which Yr Eating

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 16:19:11 GMT

Me, to an old professor: It seems that Penn became inhabitable for weirdos as soon as I left! I have the worst timing.

Professor: Yes, your timing is awful.

And I Wanna Live. Got a Full Tank and Some Chips

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 16:13:39 GMT

Last night, in Chicago, Tori Amos performed "Me and a Gun" with her full band...and props.

I Wonder Whether We Could Be Happy In a Place Like That

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 15:50:31 GMT

I'm glad everyone's talking about Pakistan, and how people are in the streets, screaming for more democracy.

But. Remember Burma?

From The Guardian:

Only six weeks after Burma's generals brutally suppressed pro-democracy protests, international outrage is fading, and with it political and diplomatic pressure for change.

Campaigners say the unrelieved plight of the Burmese people is again in danger of being forgotten. In some ways, repression has actually grown worse. Theirs was the "saffron revolution" that never was.

Western diplomats say widespread condemnation of the junta, and additional sanctions imposed by the US and EU, Australia and Japan, have had limited but measurable impact.

After the violence, in which up to 200 people died and unknown thousands disappeared into the night, the UN security council formally took up Burma's case for the first time. It told the generals to stop killing and start a genuine national dialogue.

The UN's envoy, Ibrahim Gambari, visiting the country this week, is expected to be allowed to meet Aung San Suu Kyi, the veteran pro-democracy leader held under house arrest, but not the General Than Shwe, the junta leader.

The regime meanwhile has appointed a "liaison officer" and offered conditional talks with the opposition. Some political prisoners have been released. And a UN human rights rapporteur, Paulo Sergio Pinheiro, is expected in Rangoon next week, in the first such visit for four years.

Mr Pinheiro said today he would demand unfettered access to Burma's prisons and investigate how many people the security forces have killed. "If they don't give me full cooperation, I'll go to the plane and I'll go out," he warned. His threat doubtless has the generals shaking in their jackboots.

"After 45 years of military government and several failed uprisings, it would be a little ambitious to think you can get instant results," said a senior British official. "We're trying to use the genuine shock and horror [over September's bloodshed] to engage the neighbours in Asean [the Association of South-East Asian Nations] and China to get a political process and a genuine dialogue going that includes ethnic minority groups."

The US has been more active than the EU. Kristen Silverberg, a senior state department official, this week urged Singapore to sever links between its banks and financial institutions and the Burmese junta.

Although Singapore expressed "revulsion" at September's events, Ms Silverberg said "outlawed" regime figures continued to hold accounts there and used it as an offshore banking centre.

"We're asking institutions and governments worldwide to consider whether their relationships with Burma are helping facilitate this regime," she said.

Despite these efforts, which they broadly applaud, activists say momentum has been lost as other crises, such Pakistan, claim precedence.

Mark Farmaner, of Burma Campaign UK, said the junta was engaged in a familiar game: playing for time, making minimalist gestures that looked positive but signified little, and "talking about talks" rather than real reforms.

"People are still being arrested. The number of refugees is growing. Many people are still missing. Repression is at a higher level than it was before September."

Despite talk of enhanced cooperation, the regime recently ordered the UN's permanent representative to leave the country. Its sole meeting so far with Ms Suu Kyi was, he said, devoid of any substance. Mr Farmaner said:

"The Gambari mission will almost certainly fail. Pinheiro's visit hardly amounts to a breakthrough. We need a much higher level of engagement. Ban Ki-moon [the UN secretary-general] should go there in person. It should be made plain to the junta that what they got away with in the past is no longer acceptable. And we need to set deadlines and benchmarks to measure progress."

Diplomats say further action at the UN is being discussed in the event that Mr Gambari returns empty-handed. But that may be stymied by China and Russia.

The EU may also move to implement a ban on new investment, previously agreed in principle. But it too is divided, with export-minded Germany and Italy among the most reluctant. There are also differences between the US and Britain over offering incentives to encourage the regime's cooperation, a course favoured by the foreign secretary, David Miliband.

Burma was Mr Miliband's first big challenge in his new job, and he rose to it strongly. He energetically embraced the cause of reform and human rights - and threatened further measures if the junta did not cooperate. "It is vital that international pressure on the Burmese regime is maintained," Mr Miliband said.

He was right, of course. But day by day, attention is drifting away. And six weeks is an eternity in international politics.

I Know Things Now, Many Valuable Things, That I Hadn't Known Before

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 03:36:45 GMT

1. I turned 26 at a house show in Bushwick, after bowing in awe before the bombastic greatness of Art Sorority 4 Girls, The Purple Organ, Double Deuce, Schwervon, and, most significantly, without belittling my love for the previously mentioned acts, THE LEADER. Julie performed historically, and I drank wine that tasted like butter.

2. The next evening, after a small, quiet birthday dinner, Matt Katz and Dave End and I watched Into The Woods, which Dave had never seen. Dave writes lots of songs about fairy tales. It was an emotional viewing.

3. Earlier in the day, I finished most of the first draft of the play. I just need to write an ending, and then the real work becomes: fleshing out the skinny parts, hacking fat off the fat parts, and figuring out what this play has become. (I feel satisfied that I do not know. I usually know all too well what my plays are about. It feels good to be led by the work, and not vice versa.)

4. Tonight I saw a play so bad I almost yelled at theater staff. I left during intermission.

Love
Dan

"Raise Your Hand, Raise Your Voice, Raise Your Head Up From The Desk."

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 22:53:58 GMT

This is an email from my boss to his girlfriend, after we talked about Sufjan Stevens:

Subject: My question to my assistant: Is he gay, straight, bi or asexual

Answer: "He's Christian. He's Christian and he wears a baseball cap."

Precious, and right on!!

So A-A-lone, So A-A-A-lone, So A-A-lone, So A-A-Alone...

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 18:03:52 GMT

OMG, Tegan and Sara are saving my life today: